Friday, February 17, 2012

The Impossible 5 Chapter 7

Chapter 1 can be found here:
Chapter 2 can be found here:
Chapter 3 can be found here:
Chapter 4 can be found here:

Other people, actual people of the Old West era the heroes were in were watching O’Canada pummel the Glowing Man.

“Heh, whoops,” said the Glowing Man.

Rita Con was now there and she used her mental powers to immobilize O’Canada.  “Calm down, O’Canada! This isn’t like you.  Besides, if what you’re thinking is true, you literally owe him your life.

“This is so messed up,” said O’Canada.

That was putting it mildly, Wallbreaker realized.  O’Canada’s half-brother was Mister Maple and his nephew by way of a half-sister was Leafy.  Mister Maple was the father of Captain Cape.  Leafy was the grandfather of Coinmaster.  Coinmaster was the husband of Dollar Belle.  Dollar Belle’s cousins were the Double Twins, whose father was the Electrikooker, whose sister in law was the daughter of the Ghost Master.  Ghost Master’s father was the Nazi Smasher, and the Nazi Smasher’s ancestor was the Night Knight.  Nazi Smasher was the brother to Mr. Patriot, whose daughter was the Groovy Gal, who kept unsuccessfully trying out for the Groovy Guys.  The Groovy Gal’s brother married Android Woman and they somehow managed to have children called the Mystery Trio.  Wallbreaker figured he was probably missing a few connections. 

On the other side, the Glowing Man’s sister married one of the Other Racers, many of whom were simultaneously siblings and spouses.  One of the Other Races, the Crazed Cosmic Clown was the father of Lunar Boy, while another, Star-toe had a human mother whose brother was Mr. Groovy.  Mr. Groovy’s father was Destroyer Rat, whose sister was Lady America, who married Captain Canadiana.  Captain Canadiana and Lady America were the parents of the North American, who married the Smallified Woman.  The Smallfied Woman’s grandfather was the Great Warrior.  The Great Warrior’s son was the Anti-Depression.  Anti-Depressions grand-daughter was Snake Woman.  Snake Woman’s half-brother was Snake Bite, and Snake Bite’s wife’s cousin was the Coordinator. And so on.

The point is, if the Glowing Man indeed O’Canada’s grandfather, their shared family tree would send the most stoic person into a sobbing fit.

Wallbreaker said.”It’s a messy situation, but must rest now .Big Fight tomorrow.”

“Agreed,” said Token Woman. “People, you have joined a sneak preview of our circus act. We hope you’ll come see the show tomorrow night.”  Hopefully they would have the second rod by then so they’d be out of there before actually having to perform as a circus.

The next morning they set out to find the Hole in the Ceiling Gang.  As luck would have it the Gang was robbing a bank.  There were 10 members of the Gang, all fairly generic looking western bad guys: Bart Black (the leader), the Varmint, the Mustache, Kid the Kid, the Wanted, Mr. Outlaw, the Horse Thief, the Blazing Gun, Baron Robber, and Johnny Yeehaw.

Bart Black was using his rod to create a protective dome around the outlaws.  O’Canada said, “Damn. I was hoping they wouldn’t figure out how to use the thing.”

Kid Cowboy fired a bullet but it bounced off. “Don’t waste your bullets,” he told the other western heroes.

Glowing Man fired energy at the dome. “I think I’m starting to penetrate it.”

The Crack Heroine had taken her drug and was now pounding at the shield.  She said, “Well, you’re definitely good at penetration.”

“Jane!” snapped. Rita.  That quieted the Crack Heroine.  Once a teammate starts using their real names publicly, it was time to cool it.

The Glowing Man might have thought it was a curse that he had been swimming in the ocean when a taker spilled radioactive waste nearby, but right now that was an asset to the other teams.  Rita was tried to get into people’s heads but the force field was resisting that as well.  Even Token Woman’s token was having little effect, the force field also being magic.

Finally the field exploded and the Glowing Man temporarily stopped glowing, a sign that he was temporarily spent.  The Kid punched out Kid the Kid, The Western Kid lassoed the Varmint, The Western Kid shot a chandelier in the bank so it fell on the Mr. Outlaw and knocked him out, and the Kid with No Name shot the guns out of the Blazing Gun’s hands, causing the villain to scream in pain.  O’Canada tossed maple leaf shaped metal pieces at the Baron Robber, causing him to drop his guns, then O’Canada punched him out.  The Crack Heroine ran to Johnny Yeehaw at slightly superhuman speed and punched him out as well with her drug induced strength. Token Woman used her power token to raise the Wanted up so he hit the ceiling, knocking him out.  Rita caused the Mustache’s head to go blank and he passed out.  Helltrotter kicked the Horse Thief in the head (not enough to do permanent damage. 

Bart Black fired at Wallbreaker but the bullets bounced off him.  “Turnabout is fairplay.”  As he calmly walked towards Black, he heard Rita remark on a how she seeming to recognize the Mustache from a family photo as an ancestor of her. Uh oh. Time to wrap this up before Rita had yet another origin.

Bart Black said, “I wonder if I can get this rod too.” But Wallbreaker punched him out before  he could finish that sentence.

O’Canada said to Helltrotter, “If you want a lift home, best let one of us touch you so you come with us after we take the rod.

Helltrotter nodded and start nuzzling Crack Heroine, a little too kinkily for her taste, causing her to swear.  “Great seeing you guys again,” said Wallbreaker.  Token Woman grabbed his hand.

He said,”You’re already with us. You don’t have to.”

“I know that, silly. I just want to.”

“Love is in the air,” sang the Glowing Man, whose white jumpsuit was still visible but starting to glow again.  He grabbed the rod and they vanished.

End part 7.

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