Chapter 1 can be found here: http://saneinsanities.blogspot.com/2012/01/impossible-five-introduction-and.html
Chapter 2 can be found here: http://saneinsanities.blogspot.com/2012/01/impossible-5-chapter-2.html
Chapter 3 can be found here: http://saneinsanities.blogspot.com/2012/01/impossible-5-chapter-3.html
Chapter 4 can be found here: http://saneinsanities.blogspot.com/2012/01/impossible-5-chapter-4.html
Chapter 5 can be found here: http://saneinsanities.blogspot.com/2012/02/impossible-5-chapter-5.html
“Damn!” says Rita. “Why couldn’t we have stayed a little longer? I was so close the learning the real truth about my past!”
O’Canada said to Rita, “I sympathize. Hopefully we’ll be able to learn the truth after this mission is over. We can get in contact with Dr. Magic.”
Wallbreaker wanted to feel bad for her as well but couldn’t. He was sure they had spent over 100 hours previously learning about various renditions of her old past. If his soap opera theory was right, he figured her origin probably had its own spin-off series.
He looked around. There were partway up a mountain. A small town was in the distance, like out of the old west. His heart sank as he realized they probably were in the old west. But were they in the old west of their reality or that of an alternate reality. If their old reality, sometimes it was impossible to change the past, sometimes it wasn’t. This could be messy.
And there was another problem. “Uh, guys?” said the Glowing Man. “If this is where, or rather when I think we are, I’m going to stick out like a sore thumb even more than the rest of us.”
O’Canada nodded. “I think we’re all in a bit of trouble here. I think we should pretend to be a travelling circus.”
“That’s probably for the best,” said Rita. “If she isn’t a circus performer, Crack Heroine will probably be seen as another kind of performer!”
“Sorry girl. It’s okay to flaunt it in our time, but in this era assumptions will be made. This isn’t the most progressive era to be in.”
“Guys, we have another problem,” said Token Woman. “I recognize that tall building. It’s one of the Groovy Guys’ former, er, future, headquarters. We’re just outside of Klondike. If this is our reality we have to be really careful here because technically we’re home, just in the wrong time.”
As they headed into town (on foot this time; flight in the old west seemed unwise) they heard horses behind them. They turned and saw four of the old west’s greatest heroes, all on horseback: the Kid, the Western Kid, Kid Cowboy, and the Kid with No Name. All were dressed in stereotypical western gunfighter outfits with black masks.
The Kid said, “Howdy pard’ners. Good to see you folks again.”
“Hi there,” said O’Canada. “Are you some sort of team now? Every time we run into you you’re always together.”
“No sir,” said the Western Kid. “We actually rarely work together. We just happen to always run into each other whenever you folks travel into the past.”
“Well, we’re glad to see you. We’re hunting for an item that’s probably somewhere in town. Having people vouch for us would be handy. We’re pretending to be circus performers.”
“We’d be mighty glad to help,” said Kid Cowboy. “Did you ever catch the Terror Monster?”
“The what?” asked Crack Heroine.
“Never heard of it,” said the Glowing Man.”
“That’s mighty strange,” said Kid Cowboy. “You were actively searching for it last time.”
“Simple answer,” said the Kid with No Name. “They’re probably from an earlier time than when they went back searching for the Terror Monster.”
“Yes, that must be it,” said the Kid.
“Best say no more,” said the Cowboy Kid. “Knowing their own future could get messy for them.”
Wallbreaker and Token Woman glanced at each other. If the western heroes were taking things in stride and actually starting to figure out time paradoxes, then they were making way too many trips to this era!
“As to why we’re together,” said the Kid, “we’ve all heard of a strange horse ion town and came to investigate. Might belong to one of you hero types.”
They travelled together into Klondike, with the matter of the rods being explained en route. The western heroes helped explain the circus thing. The Impossible 5 and Token Woman opted to let them to all the talking. They arrived at a saloon where a horse was finishing off a bottle of beer. The horse belched and turned to the heroes. “Oh, hi guys. Long time no see!”
“Helltrotter?!?” exclaimed Wallbreaker. Helltrotter was a super-intelligent horse from the world of Bzarr. He relocated to Earth for many years and they disappeared under unknown circumstances. He had a bit of a smoking and drinking problem.
“The western heroes shook their heads. The Cowboy Kid said, “I realized that this must seem all normal to you folks…”
“Actually,” said the Crack Heroine. “We find Helltrotter a little weird too.”
“Well, that’s something at least,” said the Cowboy Kid.
O’Canada said, “If you travel with us, Helltrotter, we can probably get you home, or at least to the 21st century.”
“I’d like that,” said Helltrotter. “The Canadian beer isn’t as good in this era.”
In the saloon the cowboy heroes made up a story of the circus missing a rod that they needed for their act. The first rod had got to Artur and Meerlim after they captured it in the Purple Dimension, but O’Canada described the rod. The bartender nodded. “The Hole in the Ceiling Gang had it. Destroyed a good chunk of town with it. Are you sure you’re circus performers?”
“It’s complicated,” said O’Canada, “but we’re the good guys, I promise>”
While the information gathering was happening, Wallbreaker noticed that the Glowing Man was taking advantage of the lack of awareness of radiation to start chatting to some women in the saloon. Wallbreaker was a bit apprehensive about that. Still, the Glowing Man rarely had any fun. Maybe it was okay if he cut loose just a tiny bit.
It was getting a bit late and the heroes hadn’t rested since the adventure began. So the cowboy heroes treated the heroes to a night at the inn, with the costumed heroes doing a few tricks to reduce the costs of the rooms.
Wallbreaker heard a knock on the door while he was relaxing on his bed. “Come in!” he said.
Token Woman entered. “I’m glad to finally get you alone,” she said. “You know more than you let on, even if you don’t know the why’s. Am I right?”
Wallbreaker hesitated for a moment. Finally he replied, “I think we might be fictional characters in a TV soap opera.”
Token Woman’s jaw dropped. “Well, I wasn’t expecting that exactly, but go on.”
“I think we’re older than we’ve been led to believe. I recall stuff that makes more sense if it happened in the 1960s, like when my team used to patronize the Go-Go Hall. Rita’s back story keeps changing but so does everyone else’s, just to a lesser degree. We have way too many Communist enemies considering how long it’s been since the fall of the USSR. The Missile used to have a strict no killing stance. Everyone keeps dying and coming back. That’s actually the real reason I didn’t speak at the Blazer’s funeral. I’d spoken at so many previous funerals for him that I didn’t have anything else to say. He’ll be back and I think you know it.”
Token Woman nodded. “I’m not sure I buy the soap opera thing but I’ve started noticing some strange stuff too, like the other Groovy Guys claiming they were never chauvinistic towards me. Heck I’ve noticed I’ve gotten a lot smarter; I used to be quite the ditz.”
“I just assumed that was an act.”
“It wasn’t. Well, it became one over time. I’m smarter now for sure. Smart enough to figure out you’re pretty smart too. Well, maybe not about the soap opera thing. Sorry, that one doesn’t feel right.”
“Still, it’s a mystery we need to pursue. And keep from the others.”
“Absolutely. They’d think we were nuts. But we must pursue it.”
Suddenly the heroes heard O’Canada shouting. They ran into the hall to see O’Canada angrily beating up the Glowing Man. What could have made O’Canada lose his cool like that?
Token Woman used her token to separate the two heroes. “O”Canada I’m surprised at you. What’s gotten into you?!?”
The Glowing Man said, “Uh, I kind of seduced one of the lasses. O’Canada found out and threw a fit.”
Wallbreaker said, “I know you’d old fashioned, O’Canada but…”
“It’s not that” said O’Canada through gritted teeth. “I’m a lot older than I look, remember. I know that woman he was sleeping with. That’s my grandmother, and nine months from now she gives birth to my father!”
“My head hurts,” said Wallbreaker and Token Woman simultaneously.
End part 6