Sunday, July 17, 2011

I’m Still Haunted by This

There's a two-week period coming up where I won't be able to post anything, so I'm doing a number of bonus posts today. This one'sa particularly sad one.

When I went to northwest Community College in Terrace there was this woman taking classes who hung out with the guy next door. She wore maybe a bit too much make up, but still was still quite attractive. Very friendly, diplomatic. I did overhear her talking once and knew she had some serious esteem issues where math was concerned, but we all get frustrated by stuff and I assumed she was just going through a rough spell.

It turns out her self esteem issues ran deeper than anyone could have guessed. The next school year I found out she had hung herself. Now I didn’t know her that well, but since she visited the dorms regularly to talk to her friend, I had taken a liking to her. She was real nice and whatever she was facing, her basically good nature probably would have given her the support network she had needed. I wish I could have gotten to know her better, though I’m not vain enough to believe that that alone would have guaranteed her survival.

She’s been dead now for over 15 years. Had she not killed herself, whatever she was facing would probably have seemed like distance memories to her now, however unpleasant they were. I’m still haunted that this good woman found things so unbearable that she chose to suffocate herself to death rather than carry on.

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