The Halloween Seagull

I was relaxing on my couch this morning when much to my shock a seagull crashed into a paperback rack I keep in my apartment and got tangled up for a bit. It finally relaxed, and, after getting a suggestion from a friend on Facebook, grabbed a towel to try to gently take it out.

It was a baby seagull, and I briefly thought it might be one of my stuff animal birds (the child friendly type, no taxidermy stuff in my place). I took a couple photos and they talked nicely to it as I try to grab it.  It ran off, in the general direction of my balcony. I tried coaxing it further that direction but it disappeared. Not sure where exactly. I didn’t think it had escaped but I couldn’t see it anywhere.

A couple hours later I heard it move again and found it on top of some DVDs. More photos and capture attempt. It flew on top of my entertainment centre (which worried me because I keep comics there). It had a great view of the balcony but wasn’t moving. After more photos I tried tossing a puffed cheese snack out the balcony. No luck.

Another attempt. This time it flew to a DVD shelf and was now only about 30 cm away from the balcony.  More photos and cheese snacks. I tried holding the towel across my hands so it could land on it. Still nothing. I finally made one more attempt. This time it flew out on my balcony. As I tried closing the balcony, it flew off.  The baby seagull was now finally outside and hopefully able to reunite with its family.  Hopefully no major decorations while it was inside.

13 Halloween Movies 2011 Edition

Another year, another list of 13 Halloween movie recommendations.
 

An American Werewolf in London: An American tourist gets turned into a werewolf; great transformation effects, and some dark humour

The Cook: a foreigner prepares meals for a sorority house. They think what he’s saying is romantic when he’s actually telling them how he plans to kill them and turn them into food.

Dance of the Dead (2008): Zombies invade prom night

Dawn of the Dead (2004) Uses the zombies in shopping mall concept of the original as a starting point, but then goes off in its own direction

Dead Snow: Nazi zombies

The Devil’s Den: Ghouls invade a night club

Dracula (1931) Bela Lugosi’s take is still a nice mood piece

The Evil Dead: I really many prefer the sequels, but this is my favourite of the trilogy, an everyman facing great evil in a cabin

Freddy vs. Jason: Teens are caught in the crossfire of a war between two slasher film icons

The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Probably the biggest omission from previous years. A couple’s car breaks down and they encounter a “sweet transvestite” from the city of Transsexual, planet Transylvania

They Live: A drifter finds sunglasses that allows him to penetrate the disguises of aliens in our midst

Underworld (2003): First in a series of movies about vampires battling werewolves

Village of the Damned (1995): I haven’t seen the original, but the remake about part alien kids is quite creepy.

13 Halloween Movies 2010 Edition

A bit harder than usual this year I admit. I saw a lot of pretty generic horror movies this past year. Still, I recommend all 13 movies below.

Saw III: The best movie in the first six (I haven’t seen Saw 3-D yet). We learn a lot about Jigsaw’s motivations and values

Saw VI: This instalment uses the horror to examine the US health care system

Last of the Living: A quirky comedy as some young men who enjoy hitting zombies try to smuggle out a cure

Return of the Living Dead Part II: Not as good as the first one, but this dark comedy zombie film still delivers the goods

Jaws: Three decades later parts of this shark thriller can still get under the skin

House of 1,000 Corpses: A group of young adults find themselves in a truly demented house

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon: An aspiring Jason/Michael-like killer arranges an interview before his killing spree

Re-Animator: The classic mad scientist comedy horror movie

The Deep Red Hatchet Murders: Someone’s subconscious holds the key to a killing

Dr. Giggles: A killer doctor who delights in bad puns

Headhunter: Horrors in a mysterious office

The Shaft (2001): Not to be confused with the John Shaft movies, this involves a woman being stalked in a metro

Zombie Honeymoon: Can a couple’s love survive one of them becoming a zombie?

Take Back Halloween Night

First off, sorry everyone for not posting lately. I can going to try to post on a weekly basis from here on in.

I might still do my annual list of Halloween movie recommendations but first I wanted to discuss something that’s been nagging at me. Some of my posts are a bit tongue in cheek but this one’s meant to be a bit more serious.

As more and more real life dangers have been emerging during Halloween, people have become less and less willing to celebrate Halloween in the traditional matter. Instead kids get all their treats, if at all, in a few safe places. I appreciate people’s concerns and acknowledge the danger but I see a real problem with this.

To illustrate the problem I must bring up the elephant in the room. We’re all going to die someday. No exception. If there’s an afterlife, it might not be the complete end, but existence as we currently know it is going to end at some point. Dark and depressing? Absolutely. That’s why at a young age we need to learn to laugh at death, to find ways of laughing at our own mortality, to give us the courage we need to face that. I believe that dressing up as monsters and going door to door candy hunting is a way of teaching kids to laugh at death in a way that they can process, in a way that’s not too distressing for them. A ways of giving kids a sense of danger but also allowing them to have fun and to, well, be kids.

At the same time though, I realize that there are some dangers, some sick people who target kids. Here are some suggestions:

The first is a no-brainer: walk with your children. It’s safer for them and a fun way to bond with them. Consider further strength in numbers. Arrange for multiple parents with kids to walk together. The really dangerous people go after easy targets. A small group is not an easy target. Carry a flashlight and a whistle, or find some similar means of calling attention to yourself if need be.

If your concern is aimed towards the houses you’re visiting, remember what your parents did. If one of the treats is a candied apple, open it up before letting your child eat it. Another thought: make a note between houses of what you got from each place. Focus on residential areas where you know some of the people. Getting to know your neighbours is usually not a bad idea any time of the year.

Is there any way to be 100% safe during Halloween? Nope. But then you could decide to keep your kids home during Halloween only for some household accident to occur. No one’s ever completely safe, and again, that’s why Halloween in its traditional format (and I’m talking recent traditions here) is so valuable. Let the kids have fun. Let them learn that you gain power from laughing at the spooky stuff. Place it safe, place it smart, but take back Halloween from the real life scary monsters. Because if you can’t laugh at monsters, the monsters win.

Halloween Wishes for 2009

10 More Bits of Advice

1. Wear bright colours at night, e.g. pumpkin orange. Dracula can probably survive the impact of a fast moving car. Actors dressed as Dracula are another matter.
2. Skip apartments when trick or treating. There’s little candy there and some some “trick or treat” refers to turning tricks.
3. If it’s raining and you’re trick or treating, sacrifice a bit of style for pneumonia prevention
4. If going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show, consider preparing in advance, e.g. watching footage of theatre goers on the DVD. It’s a movie theatre-going experience where practice in advance is advisable.
5. As with New Year’s, if you must smoke pot, don’t do it outside downtown. Again, you might find yourself with people who turn tricks, and this time hang with them and other misdemeanour types for a full night.
6. If you dress up at work, don’t dress so revealing that you decrease overall productivity.
7. If your costume is a bank robber, consider removing the ski mask when entering banks or stores.
8. For “Treat or treat, smell my feet”, remember that the second phrase is a children’s rhyme and not an actual request.
9. If you have no child and wish to trick or treat, consider hiring yourself out as a babysitter. You’ll get more candy with a kid present.
10. If you trick or treat with a child, remember that your kid will probably want some of the candy and your comfort the next feel days might improve by fulfilling this request.

Have a fun and safe Halloween, everyone!

13 More Movies for Halloween

Okay, you took my advice last years and watched my 13 Halloween movie suggestions. You had a good time but time has passed now you’re feeling too relaxed. You wish to change that. Well, the doctor is here to raise your anxiety back up to acceptable levels. Here are my 13 recommendations for this year:

From Dusk Till Dawn: Two criminals pick the wrong bar to hole up in.

Trapped Ashes: People find themselves stuck in a studio tour’s haunted house and must describe traumatic experiences in the hopes of getting out.

Head of the Family: For people wanting their horror mixed with deadpan humour, a gold ol’ boy tries to blackmail a strange family of twins who are not exactly identical. The head of the family is a giant head with a smaller torso.

A Nightmare on Elm Street: The first film on the series is easily the scariest, with a madman named Freddy Krueger who kills people in their dreams.

Wes Craven’s New Nightmare: You’ll need to see A Nightmare on Elm Street first to really appreciate this, but if you do, it’s a fascinating look at meta-fiction as Freddy, no longer the clown he became in the previous films, invades the “real world”.

Saw: Not for the faint of heart, this film and its sequels involve a madman named Jigsaw who traps people in order to teach then a lesson. If they escape the trap they’ll be a bit maimed but they’ll probably have learned the lesson Jigsaw was trying to teach them.

Bloodsucking Freaks: a studio audience enjoys acts of torture, not realizing that (in the context of the film) what they’re watching is real.

Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead: Part horror, part satire, part musical, a fast food restaurant is built on an ancient Indian burial ground. This leads to giant zombie chickens.

Vamp: Teens visit a night club that’s infested with vampires.

The Sixth Sense: A psychiatrist tries to help a young boy who talks to ghosts.

Undead: An Australian zombie movie with a twisted sense of humour.

The Last Horror Movie: A “real” serial killer tapes over a fictional serial killer movie.

Unmasked Part 25: As with last year I’m finishing this list that you’ll need to seek out on VHS because there’s no DVD as yet. A Jason-like serial killer falls in love with a blind woman.

13 Movies for Halloween

Not going out on Halloween? Want a decent movie to watch (or in one case, a great bad movie)? Here's some suggestions:

The Others: Creepy story of two families sharing the same mansion.

The Nightmare before Christmas: Halloween creatures take over Christmas.

Dead End: A family on a car ride attempt to take a short cut with dire consequences.

Love Object: A shy office worker transfers his feelings towards a woman in his office to a mannequin. Played for creepiness, not laughs.

Return of the Living Dead: Zombies and dark humour. They want your brains!

Halloween (1978): The 2007 version is fine too, but there's something especially creepy about this version.

Dawn of the Dead (1979): Again no slight to the remake, but the original story of people fighting zombies in a shopping mall is still the best.

Chopping Mall: Another good shopping mall horror, only this time with killer security robots.

Plan 9 from Outer Space: The classic unintentionally funny movie involves ghouls, alien invaders, and an obvious stand-in for Bela Lugosi.

Near Dark: A good ol' boy runs afowl of nomadic vampires.

There's Nothing Out There: A guy in a group of campers realizes they might be in a horror movie scenario.

Wilderness Survival for Girls: A group of girls camping either do terrible things in self defense or for no good reason. You decide which.

Highway to Hell: Sadly not on DVD yet, a hellcop kidnaps a woman and takes her to the titular road. Bad puns abound.

Halloween Wishes for 2008

As you may have noticed, Halloween this year falls on a Friday (so this essay can also apply to many other Halloweens to come, just not every year). As a result Halloween celebrators will be mixed with people trying to unwind after a week of work. So here's a few tips for enjoying Halloween this year.

1. Be sure to buy extra treats for your own kids. You may find more people not at home.
2. If you and/or your kid insists on pulling a trick on people who aren't home, remember the saying:"If you can't do the time, don't do the crime."
3. That person dressed up as a drunk might not be pretending.
4. Remember that some people turn into monsters for real when drunk, and wearing masks give them extra anonymity.
5. Don't let your kids eat chocolates shaped like bottles.
6. Don't bothered ringing the doorbells of people whose houses' music is turned up to 11. They won't be able to hear you and they may be unaware that it's Halloween.
7. Be careful when crossing the street with your kids to avoid drunk drivers. For that matter be extra careful on the sidewalk as well.
8. If you visit a house and the person answers the door and says, "I'm sorry, man, I forgot." Quickly say, "It's okay" and move on. You have a lot of houses to kill and don't have an hour to listen to the story of how they forgot.
9. If you yourself wear a Halloween costume to a Friday party, beware wardrobe malfunctions. Taking the Janet Jackson analogy further, consider pasties just in case.
10. Beware people dressed as vampires. Wine and blood look a lot alike when drunk.

Happy Halloween folks!