Saturday, December 6, 2008

Christmas Movies for the Holidays

TIMMY: Gosh Uncle Insanity, I really want to see a good Christmas movie this year, but I can't possibly watch the same sentimental crap every year. I mean, I'm only seven but I already know the words to Frost, Grinch, and Christmas Carol by heart.

UNCLE INSANITY: Well, Timmy. It just so happens you've come to the right place. Here are my picks of ten decent Christmas movies, in alphabetical order.

  1. Bad Santa: A drubnken department store Santa/thief finds redemption when he begins to care for a young boy. Difference between him and Scrooge is, he's still recognizable as the same person afterwards despite having changed for the better
  2. Batman Returns: a flawed movie to be sure, but it's a movie set around Christmas that has Christopher Walken in it, as well as Michelle Pfeiffer in a sexy catsuit. You could do far worse for Christmas movies
  3. Christmas Evil: Timmy, you must have noticed even at your young age the out of control capitalism in the stores this year. Well, things weren't a lot better in the 1970s, and in this movie a worker at a toy company decides to do something about it.
  4. Dead End: I'm going to put myself in the naughty list by repeating one of my Halloween choices. A family is heading to a Christmas dinner when the driver (the father) decides to take a short cut. Things don't go all that swell after that.
  5. Die Hard: Timmy, here you get to see action hero John McClane for the first time, dealing with a hostage situation in a building on Christmas Eve. If you really love McClane, he deals with another hostage situation, this time on a plane in another Christmas eve in Die Hard II, but the first Die Hard is the best of the two Christmas-based ones.
  6. Eyes Wide Shut: a man embarks on a surreal journey during Christmas as he deals with his feelings towards his wife. Timmy, you might cry a little because it was Stanley Kubrick's last film. I recommend watching the special edition because you get to choose between the version that was released theatrically with digital images added to one scene to obscure the pee-pee areas and the uncensored version.
  7. Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil: a death is investigated around Christmas in a village in this film based on a true story
  8. The Nightmare Before Christmas: another repeat from my Halloween list, as Halloween ghouls take over Christmas
  9. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians: Timmy, as you get older, you're going to appreciate unintentionally funny movies more and more. This pablum geared towards folks your age is a good place to start, with Martians kidnapping Santa. Santa saves the day with the help of some good Martians including a laughing idiot. And there's a catchy obnoxious theme song too!
  10. Trading Places: Once upon a time, Timmy, Eddie Murphy was actually funny. In this movie, set during the Christmas season, he plays a poor man who trades places with a rich man played my Dan Aykroyd.
TIMMY: Gosh, Uncle Insanity, that's a swell list. Thank you from saving me from the usual crap. can you think of any other movies?
UNCLE INSANITY: That's a very good question too, Timmy. Let me think of that some more. But in the meantime, this should get you start.

1 comment:

Vickie J said...

Hey Uncle Insanity-

I would add another "not quite" Christmas movie of my own. Every Christmas I watch Steve Martin in Mixed Nuts. It helps remind me that my family really is in the normal range.